My Higher Power is John Stamos
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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