At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize