News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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