Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize