8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
