I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
