Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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