My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
