if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
