The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize