I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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