I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
