Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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