I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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