i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
