I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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