dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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