my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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