Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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