Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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