moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
