Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
