I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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