Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
