From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
