Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
