I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
