didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
