Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
