So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
