dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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