Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
