I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
