My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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