all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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