i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
