Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
