I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
