I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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