Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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