Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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