Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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