also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
