Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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