We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
