people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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