listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize