Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
