We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
