I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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