i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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