I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
