According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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