I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
