Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
