You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
