This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
